By Susie Sarkisian, Certified Life Coach & Expert in Navigating Aging in Families
There’s a word that I call those of us who are caring for, and caring about, a family member who isn’t close by. We are called ‘Faraways’.
Most people think that caregiving can only be done in proximity, and I’d like to challenge that mindset. Caregiving is about caring and is not limited to those giving physical care. I believe that caregiving comes in many different forms- from behind the scenes to the front lines.
If, like me, you are a Faraway (my 91year old mother is 800 miles away), here are some things that you can do to be a part of the caregiving circle around your loved one.
I must preface this with pointing out that the most crucial element of any element of caregiving is communication. In short, the more communication, the better. With that in mind, you’ll notice that each of the tips below could fall under the Communication Umbrella, and might just enhance your relationship with your loved one, or with those who are living closer to them.
1. Mundane conversation: What I mean by this is making phone calls, with no set agenda. “I overslept today, because of the neighbor’s dog”. “It’s raining here this morning, what’s your weather like?” These types of conversation starters can temporarily eliminate the feeling of distance.
2. Family calendar: This can be done through any of the cloud type offerings, but an electronic calendar where all can see doctors’ appointments, visits, or significant events keeps everyone on the same page.
3. Asking questions, not giving directions: “Mom, how are you feeling today?” “If we could go away on trip together, where should we go?” “Dad, tell me about the grass in the front yard? How’s it looking?”
4. Establishing a routine: Whether it’s a Friday Facetime, or a call during your commute, start a pattern of regular communication, and keep it going. Over time, your family member will expect and look forward to the interactions.
5. Sending meals or other deliveries to those close by: If your siblings are doing a lot of the legwork, why not have a hot meal delivered to them, as a way of saying thanks for all they are doing in your absence? We all love being appreciated, and this is something you can do, from afar. This one never falls flat.
Distance doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you have to be creative in how you show it.